No stitches, just platelets and will power
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
