I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So much rum. So many feels.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize