I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
