Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize