why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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