i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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