Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
