Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
