Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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