i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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