actually, I'm a sock model
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
