It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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