Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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