A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
