I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
