So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize