i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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