Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
