can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
