garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
