My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
