I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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