woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
