dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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