The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
