I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Houston, we have a squirter
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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