I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
