as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
