We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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