The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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