Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
