He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
two words: eviction party
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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