you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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