the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
