i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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