Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
