you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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