So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
