I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
