Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Come share oat with me in your robe
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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