I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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