so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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