If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
