he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
