i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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