I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
