it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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