marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
