I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
