I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
