you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
