He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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