The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
