I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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