my mouth tastes like poor choices
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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