whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Randomize
