im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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