I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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