took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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