OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
