Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize