Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
