I don't think brook has ever known best
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
