lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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