in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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