just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
then he tried to convert me to islam
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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