I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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