I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
