I accidentally had phone sex last night
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
