weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
