i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize