You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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