we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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