it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
