just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
