don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
