Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
