U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
