it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
