How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
