you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize