Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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