I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
we're so committed to being not committed
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
