Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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