dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Boobs speak an international language.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
