I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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