Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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