Whod you bang
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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