i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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