He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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