They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
