She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
