just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
