you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
