I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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